For some people, not being in a relationship is a personal preference. But for singles who actively want a relationship, waiting for that love to happen can be deeply frustrating. There are many reasons why that special love with the right person may not have happened yet, some of which might just be outside of your control. (In med school and too busy? Live in a town of 200? That all counts). But for most reluctantly single women, it’s essential to build up your inner confidence to attract the right kind of love.
The cases I see that require confidence-building usually fall under one of these two categories. Case 1: She has no problem getting dates or meeting men, but those men turn out to be emotionally unavailable and commitment-phobic. “I’m just not sure if I’m attracted to you,” “I don’t know if I want to settle down,” “I like you, but I’m really focused on my career right now,” are some of the things that these men might utter, if they don’t just drift away without an explanation. While she appears confident and outgoing, this patterning might lead her to believe she doesn’t deserve better than unfulfilling liaisons, so she accepts the circumstances without breaking away. Case 2: She hasn’t had much experience with dating, relationships, or even casual flirting, which makes her doubt her own attractiveness. This, in turn, sends the wrong signal, that she’s cold or intimidating.
If any of this applies to you, finding your confidence will make it possible to finally meet the love you deserve. The true meaning of Confidence is simple: Find out who you are, and be as true to it as possible. This is the quality that lights your inner fire, and attracts the right energy to you.
“Two things are extremely attractive. Health is beauty, and confidence is beauty.”
—Diane Von Furstenberg
Before you begin to take any of our tips and advice that follow, I want you to know that you’re already beautiful. Forget whatever standards you have about what it means to be pretty. What makes you so gorgeous is your unique, inimitable self. Being yourself to the fullest, purest extent is your ideal beauty.
But sometimes it’s hard to know what it means to be your ideal self. There are two ways to discover your own brand of beauty.
Finding Your Beauty – Exercise 1
First, acknowledge, admire, and appreciate each part of your body that makes you sexy, beautiful, and attractive. Sit in the lotus pose with your hands over your heart, one on top of the other. Start from the top of your head and go down, simply noticing each body part and its gorgeous presence.
-Your hair-Your forehead-Your eyebrows-Your eyes-Your nose-Your smile-Your lips-Your cheeks-Your neck-Your voice-Your shoulders-Your clavicles-Your upper arms-Your lower arms-Your wrists-Your hands-Your fingers-Your nails-Your chest-Your heart-Your torso-Your back-Your waist-Your lower abs-Your pelvis-Your hips-Your butt-Your thighs-Your calves-Your ankles-Your feet
Now, take a few minutes to appreciate your body for its strength, health, vitality, and beauty. Just simply notice how one part knits together with another so perfectly to complete you. Then notice how beautiful you are—perhaps you’d forgotten how lovely your hair is, or how strong your shoulders are. Every woman has areas that are stunning and enviable. What you’ll do is highlight those areas you feel most confident about. If it’s your lovely lips, wear bold lipstick. Draw attention to your delicate hands with rings and bangles. Show off your womanly shape with a form-fitting knit.
Finding Your Beauty – Exercise 2
This exercise is so much fun and I’ve done this with my best friends several times. The great thing about this practice is that women are generally much more complimentary and positive about other people than themselves. This helps you realize exactly how stunning you are in the eyes of others.
Sit with your girl friend or sister or your mom—anyone who knows you really well. Each of you should take a note pad. Then, write down five words that you would use to describe your friend—while your friend is doing the same for you. It doesn’t have to be restricted to outer beauty: in fact you’re probably describing her character more than her looks. Then, write down what you think makes her so uniquely beautiful, aiming for at least five things. Finally, write down a style editorial note: 3-4 sentences on any of her outfits or beauty signatures that impressed you, and any recommendations on what she might try next. Afterwards, go over your answers with each other. You’re going to feel so amazing while telling your friend exactly how pretty she is, and also while you hear how she perceives you.
Now that you’ve taken the time to recognize your inner and outer beauty, change your attitude to finding love: take some time each day to indulge yourself in some small way; be open to striking up small conversations; and go out to that party of a friend of a friend, instead of staying home and watching Downton Abbey (delightful though that might be). When you love yourself, you will also invite others to love you as well.
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Photo: Spencer Finnley via Flickr; Peaceful Dumpling
