When I first moved to Toronto alone earlier this year, I was happy about being single and doing my own thing. I established a new routine and finally started doing things for me, on my own time. Then quarantine hit, just as I began to feel comfortable in my new life. My positivity towards being single and doing things for me began to dwindle. Which, now, sounds kind of silly being that—what is quarantine if not a time to do even more things for oneself?
As my outlets to a new life (classes, cafe sitting, meeting new people, potential job interviews) got cut off, my focus became unavoidably me-centered. Every issue I had ever had attacked my brain by the hour. If I wasn’t worrying about my body, then I began worrying about being single, my finances, my career. The infamous ticking biological clock that plagued my existence last year, now turned into a blaring siren, creating fear, worry and anxiety about things completely out of my control.
Without the ability to see friends and have social interactions, I felt an overwhelming aloneness. I began to panic. But I was looking at this quarantine thing all wrong. It’s not that I had to be alone. I got to be alone—to deal with all the issues that I needed to in order to heal.
It can be extremely dangerous to be inside your own head all day. If you’re anything like me, then you tend to overthink, over analyze every little thing in your life. Your interactions, or lack thereof, consume you.
The bright side is that we don’t have to stay trapped inside our own heads, with worry, doubt and insecurity. Being single during quarantine doesn’t have to be a negative process. It can be a time of incredible healing, self-discovery and goal-alignment.
Here are 5 Positives to being single during quarantine that I hope you can reflect on and recognize in your life.
1. Time
Time is actually on your side during quarantine. Because we have a lot of extra free time, that means all the more that can be devoted to personal healing and development. Being single with free time is a lot different than being in a relationship with free time. Time alone can be intimidating, but you have the choice along with the mental strength to overcome that fear. Yes, it does take time, but we have plenty of that right now.
2. Not Having Someone In Your Space 24/7
I’ve been seeing all sorts of articles about fighting and breaking up with your significant other during quarantine. The truth about being locked down with someone (who you may not have been ready to live with, but are now) is that you are probably going to get on each other’s nerves a lot more.
It’s healthy to have space in a relationship, and being quarantined with your boyfriend does not allow for that. As much as being alone can be lonely, being in a relationship during quarantine can be stressful.
3. Self-Discovery
I quit my job, moved away from home, ended a relationship, and attempted to start a new life in order to find out what it is I really wanted. If you have ever felt stuck in your own life, being single during quarantine (and I mean truly single, not on a dating site!) will help you to dive inward so that you can think long and hard about what it is you truly want in life, in a relationship, in your career. It may be that as soon as quarantine ends, you’ll be moving out of your country. Or maybe you will want a career change.
By engaging in behaviors (like online dating) that distract you from focusing on what you want in life after this is all over, you’re really losing the precious gift that is more time.
4. Personal Growth
Once you get past the “Oh my gosh, I have so much time on my hands, what am I going to do?” phase, you begin to think of things you can do to fill that time. And there is no one there to distract you.
In my last relationship, I found that I was entertained enough just being around my significant other, that I didn’t feel the need to reach for personal growth, although I longed for it constantly. It’s not his fault, he never stopped me from doing the things I wanted, but I felt content enough inside of the relationship that my motivation for self-improvement wasn’t as strong as it is for me now.
5. Independence
These last four points all have this factor in common, but I think it deserves its own section. Being alone with a lot of time on your hands can either drive you to find someone else to make you feel happy, fulfilled and valued, or you can choose to do that all on your own.
Being single right now allows you to fully rely on yourself for everything. What I’ve come to realize while being single during quarantine, is that I am the master of my own happiness. No one else can bring me what I seek, I must do it myself. And I truly think that is a major positive of being single during this time.
What are some things you are doing as a single woman than make you feel good about yourself during this time of isolation?
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Photo: Nik, Fezbot2000, Vinicius, Cody, Du Preez; Unsplash.
