I’ve met my partner on Tinder. I would love to share what I have learned from years on the dating platform. There are different people everywhere. I knew about Tinder’s reputation but I also knew that there are far less people on other platforms, hence, lower chance of meeting someone special you are looking for. Here is what I have learned about using online dating for finding love, and sorting out meaningless connections and people who are on a different page from what you want, if you are looking for love too.
Let’s first talk about how to set up your profile to attract a genuine connection. I have learned a lot from my partner too, and found out that my profile was actually not congruent to my goals. I would love to share those insights, that will hopefully help you connect with the one you are meant to connect with.
Choice of photographs
The tips you probably already know are:
- smiling, preferably on all of your photos
- make sure you show your eyes on all (most) photos
- choose neat photos with a clean and neat background
- make sure they are not all selfies
- opt for high quality (resolution)
Staged photos may seem like you try too hard to show you have a certain kind of life, keep it simple. Choose the ones that you feel represent what you value the most about yourself. For me it was my smile, kindness, being sportive, and artistic. You are always free to express yourself the way you like (!), just keep in mind that dressing provocatively and being overly sexual on your profile many people might see as an intention to meet people “just for fun.” My partner at first had doubts about me for this very reason. However, I was able to show him what I am about. I’m just glad that he did not judge me off the bat. Hence, sharing this consideration with you.
No matter how we are all moving toward not judging a book by its cover, it is still happening, even with open-minded people. So this is just one way to show that you are looking for something serious. But, as you can see, it will probably not stop a real connection.
Another point to consider is having photos showing different angles of your personality. One photo can be showing you at your best, all dressed up, and another shows your casual natural look. Because you are lovable in all your states and appearances. Showing those different levels to your personality and looks will also help the One who is looking for you to identify you.
Express your uniqueness
When I started writing my first bio, I began with looking at what other girls write, and it felt so off to copy that. Don’t do this. To meet the person who is looking exactly for you you must show them that you are that person. You do it by being yourself, expressing yourself the way you are. So if your bio seems less cool, hot, intriguing, or mysterious, it can be just perfect for someone who is looking for clarity, straight-forwardness, and down-to-earth personality. If your bio sounds silly and goofy, it is just right for someone who has the same qualities. Don’t confuse the person who is right for you by appearing to be someone else.
How to write your bio
You can use a quote that characterizes your approach to life best. But make sure to include at least one or two sentences about yourself. Share what you value the most in life. what you enjoy the most, what you love about yourself the most. Don’t look for answers that make you appear to be fun, outgoing, confident, more or less careless, and whatever else you believe the one who you are after would find attractive. The fact of the matter is, we often get it completely wrong. We can’t really know what the people we are after would prefer. So the only way is not just being yourself but showing your true self as much as possible, because the right person for you is looking for exactly that!
In the world where so many people are looking for the same things, like materialistic pleasures and objects, and try to appear to be a certain way like rich, successful, overly confident, don’t fall for the trap of behaving like Instagram models and appearing to be like them. Main role models of our time are actually what most people are not looking for in a serious relationship. Authenticity and daring to be different is the right way to go. Because your unique personality, way of talking, acting, and thinking, is your greatest gem! And someone is looking for and is meant to be attracted to all of what you are, even if they are not yet aware of it.
How to communicate
So, once we’ve got this cleared out, to never borrow ideas for your profile, and allow your personality and uniqueness shine throughout your profile, let’s discuss how to communicate within online dating space. This space has a high potential to waste your time and leave you disappointed, as many people are there for many reasons but finding love is not one of them.
“I am looking for something serious”
We had a discussion with my partner about whether or not you should state it firmly in your bio or first conversation that you are looking for something serious. I believe that this will help you not waste your time on one-night-stand guys, that are plenty on a platform like Tinder. However, from a male perspective, such a stated intention can feel like a pressure to perform. My partner said it may feel like he is on a job interview and is being tested for a fit. Even though it is pretty much exactly what it is, I have an idea how to go about this.
You can state that you are looking for something serious but maybe not so directly or mention that there is no pressure and you are not in a rush. A good line would be “I am open to something serious, not here for meaningless encounters, and am all about letting things flow as they are.” Now this can be read as easy sex by some, as people read what they wish to read. However, at the end of the day it is all about the way you present and carry yourself, that will allow people to see your intention.
These people will waste your time
Here are my indicators of people who would most likely not waste your time. People that are also open to something serious are willing to have deeper conversations. They do not talk to too many people, so continue the conversation where it has ended. If a person is writing “how are you” every other day, keeping it shallow like this, they are probably just keeping options and shooting their shot, but there is no real interest and connection.
Ask direct questions. It is very important to ask “what are you here for.” Many people have been asking me this question and I gladly gave an answer. If it continues with “just take it easy, we only live once, loosen up,” this is a one-night-stand vibe. Unmatch, block, delete. One of the main mistakes we women make is taking on projects of changing a bad boy. Never happens. At least as long as they don’t get it out of their system and don’t decide to change themselves. When you meet a person with that intention, don’t try to change their mind. They are not ready to change it.
Don’t waste time of others
Speaking of multiple options, let’s not do it to each other—keeping some people on standby while we explore “better” options. I am a firm believer that if the connection does not spark instantly it is most likely not it. So be honest with people and let them move on, if you are not interested in them enough. Counting on karma, maybe others will do the same for you.
In conclusion
Overall, I can say from personal experience that not much can stand in the way of true love. You don’t have to try hard and sweat it anyhow. With the right person for you everything will be easy, and, probably, no matter how “wrong” you got your profile set up, they will look passed that. My intention with this article is just assisting the process of you two connecting.
Have a clear intention, be open minded, be present not rushing for your situation to change, love the situation you are in, love yourself, and through that love romantic love with someone else materializes. Wishing you and your loved one find each other the way you are meant to. Be open to receiving guidance on this. It comes in many forms.
More from Anna: Do These 5 Things To Help Your New Relationship Flourish
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Photo: Yan Krukov, Mikhail Nilov via Pexels
